Churches Together in Marriage:
Pastoral Care of Interchurch Families
is a 70-page book recently published by Churches Together in England and CYTUN
(Churches Together in Wales).
The original intention was to update the recommendations on pastoral care of
interchurch marriages published by the Joint Working Group of the British Council
of Churches and the Roman Catholic Church in 1970. In the context of changing
church relationships and of social trends which have had considerable impact
on marriage and family life, however, the project became more ambitious. The
book has much to offer both to those concerned with ecumenical relationships
and to those with an interest in marriage and tpe family life cycle, as well
as to all involved directly in pastoral care. Interspersed with the text are
guidelines to help parish priests and local ministers, and recommendations
for the consideration of policy-makers. They are extracted here as an invitation
to explore the issues raised with the help of this book (obtainable from the
Association of Interchurch Families).
Guidelines
- Welcome and encourage interchurch couples who present themselves; do not
regard them as disloyal for wanting to marry across Christian divisions, but
see them as a positive resource in the context of growing unity between the
churches.
- See interchurch marriages as an opportunity for exercising pastoral care
in a way that will have long-term benefits for relationships between local
congregations.
- Welcome both partners into the life of your church so far as they wish to
be involved, respecting the fact that there may also be a loyalty to another
congregation.
- Help interchurch couples to see their differences as a source of growth
rather than unfortunate obstacles to unity.
- Encourage interchurch couples to explore how they can remain attached to
their two traditions, rather than presenting them with a one-church option
as the only hope of success for their marriage.
- Realising that interchurch couples can be helped a great deal by meeting
others in similar situations, inform couples of the existence of the Association
of Interchurch Families and encourage them to make contact with it if they
wish to do so.
- Help engaged interchurch couples to recognise how their church loyalties
and pattern of churchgoing may relate to their natural need to maintain both
closeness to each other and a certain separateness.
- Work closely with pastors of other churches in marriage preparation and
support, both for interchurch couples and more generally.
- In preparing for the wedding, look at all the options within the disciplines
of the churches and do everything possible to make both partners feel at home
in the service. 10 Assess with other churches the scope to increase lay involvement
in marriage preparation.
- Whatever the provision made by the churches concerned with regard to second
marriages, recognise the pastoral and spiritual help that the couple together,
or one of the partners, may be looking for.
- Do everything possible to support interchurch parents who want to share
the riches of both traditions with their children and bring them up within
the life of two church communities; respect any feeling of double belonging
on the part of the children, who should not be required to make an exclusive
choice.
- Enable those involved in marriage preparation and support to be aware of
the current policies and guidelines of your own and other churches on interchurch
marriage.
- Have details of all the legal and canonical requirements for marriage at
hand for reference when needed.
Recommendations
- That pastoral policy towards interchurch families should be based on seeing
them as a promise, not a threat, and on a desire to help them to make a positive
contribution to the growing together of the churches.
- That the churches explore together the extent to which the sense of dual
commitment/double belonging experienced by some interchurch families can be
recognised pastorally and given formal expression in church discipline and
structures. 3 That the churches look together at the "double belonging"
experienced by some interchurch children and address the ecclesiological questions
which this raises.
- That the churches together produce catechetical material which emphasises
what they have in common, but also shows where there are remaining differences.
- That the churches build on what has already been done in their liturgical
commissions (or equivalent) and continue to work for a common liturgy for
the celebration of interchurch marriages which could be approved as appropriate.
- That local churches in appropriate groupings should be encouraged to explore
opportunities for celebrating baptism together.
- That local churches in appropriate groupings should be encouraged to work
together to establish opportunities for joint marriage preparation using suitably
prepared teams including lay people.
- That local churches in appropriate groupings should be encouraged to work
together to support families throughout the life cycle, wherever possible
in co-operation with existing marriage and family agencies.
- That the churches at national level examine what machinery is needed to
help them work together in marriage preparation and support, following up
what has been done ecumenically to help the churches respond together to the
International Year of the Family.
Return to Journal index
Produced by Association of Interchurch Families, England
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